Sunday, November 1, 2015

A state of mind...

                I was supposed to write a Screenshot of the Week article, but the moment I sat down I realized that’s not going to happen.
                As I was afraid, online games start to take over my gaming time and while this kept me away from writing more articles lately it also made me play much more freely than I ever did in the last years. Since I’ve started this blog gaming has became a whole lot of other thing for me. It is true that I was never the conventional gamer in search for casual fun and entertainment, instead I’ve always looked for the deeper meaning, the artistic beauty and of course as a PC gamer the technical beauty of video games. I’ve watched and played games with a critique eye always open, but now, since the blog came both of my eyes took over this job and with this an ever increasing feeling of exhaustion.
                Since the end of August, I’ve been busy playing games and analyzing them to the smallest details so I can write as accurate and objective as possible about them without letting myself influenced by my likings or any exterior factors. And without noticing I’ve reached a critical burnout point which manifested rather different than what I was used with. Recently I had a gaming friend writing some articles for me and while I was supposed to continue writing in parallel with him I found myself craving to play games but not for reviews but for myself. It might sound selfishly crazy, but there is such a big difference between playing a game to write a review and playing it just to screw around and see where it takes you. Without having to take notes when I see something amazing or odd and without having to scan every detail or mistake I can truly enjoy playing a video game in my own OCDish and bizarre way that brings me satisfaction. It’s still not close to what the average gamers would do for entertainment and it’s still stressful, but this is a kind of stress that I can tolerate strongly imprinted in my pattern as a gamer that was created almost two decades ago.
                But coming back to the root of so called problem… Writing is a complex and tiring endeavor and for a 29 years old guy with a boring job, many problems of his own and a bunch of time eating hobbies it can become a herculean task at some point and while I can handle many things I’m still not Hercules, so, every now and then I’m bound to fall down. But soon enough I’ll be pulling myself up dusting myself off and continue what I’ve started almost two years ago and I’m optimistic I’ll continue doing two years from now. Why? ..because I love video games. Through the good and bad, the false advertisement and graphical downgrades, the over the top quality or removed content, video games provide me something that books couldn’t anymore, the ability to take part in a story and interact with a world that might have a pre-set trajectory but still has room left for each gamers’ imagination.

How does writing fit in this equation? Writing provides me the freedom to talk about the emotions and other things I’ve experienced while playing without the constrictions of a social code. I might have enough people to play games with, but less and less are those with whom I can share my strict opinions about video games. This blog has become the gateway between my ideas and this beautiful but troubled industry and while not doing it entirely (life is unpredictable) this comes as reassurance that The Game Slashers will outlive my burnouts and probably still be here two years from now. 


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